


Ivory

by orphan_account



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Aborted blowjob, Durincest, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nightmare, Permanent Injury, Sibling Incest, Sick Fíli
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-18
Updated: 2014-12-18
Packaged: 2018-03-02 00:32:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2793281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Fili loses his leg in the Battle, Kili does all he can to soothe his brother's heartache.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ivory

**Author's Note:**

> Second chapter consists of explicit content.
> 
> I've been working on this off and on for months now, I'm thrilled to pieces that I can finally post the first chapter.
> 
> Battle of the Five Armies watchers: Did anyone else feel their heart being absolutely wrenched from their body and torn to pieces?

_“Drop him,” Kili screamed, the words pouring like hot toxins from his lips as he swiftly set the arrow to his bow, knuckles white in his rage. He drew back the thin rope taut as iron, the head of the lethal arrow centered on Azog's brow. “I said-”_

**Ivory**

The sun was blisteringly hot against the back of Fili's neck. He squirmed uncomfortably on the hard sandy ground, his hands prickling with heat as his palms scraped at the loose dirt. A dull yet familiar ache thudded in his right thigh and he winced, shifting his weight briefly to his left. Distracting himself, he instead faced forward, staring down the alley of the archery range.

A tiny smile graced his lips as he watched his brother pant heavily, his hands gripping his knees and his beloved oak bow on the ground. He glimpsed up and flashed a grin, eyes sparkling with energy but the smile weak with his exhaustion.

“Want to go home yet?” Fili asked, forcing his voice into one of casual conversation. “You look a bit worn out.”

Kili paused, as if considering the proposition, but Fili knew that the hesitation gave way to his answer. “Nah, one more go.

“So ambitious,” Fili gave a small chuckle.

Kili stuck out his tongue as he set to retrieving his sinew arrows, snatching the outward-jutting rods buried into trees, the ones barely visible in the soft and muddy earth, and the ones entirely hidden in the thick lush of green overgrowth.

Fili wanted to stand.

But when he so much as inched his right leg, a spark of razor-sharp pain sprinted up his spine and made him nearly cry out aloud. He swallowed hard and rubbed anxiously at his upper thigh, willing the torment to disappear.

Kili's final training round seemed to have lasted hours, but he knew somewhere in his head that it couldn't have been more than ten minutes. It didn't matter. It felt like a lifetime.

Fili's shoulders slumped. There was nothing he could do to ease the ache, this he knew, but perhaps he could try to keep his mind off of it. He focused hard on Kili – he watched as his arms bent and contracted, those firm muscles of his biceps and abdomen tightening and clenching with his movements. He stared at those dark eyes narrowing in concentration as he pulled back on the taut bowstring, pink lips parting ever so slightly as he aimed upwards – where? Fili didn't know. He wasn't looking. All he saw was Kili.

He focused on the sweat gleaming off his brow and glistening in the relentless sun. His hair had been pulled back an hour ago into a sharp ponytail, the locks drenched and the stray strands frizzled. Normally, a sight like this made Fili's mouth water. But today, he couldn't bring himself to so much as lick his lips.

_Normally..._

Fili flinched at the word. Was it still normal if it didn't happen anymore? Was 'normal' just another way to say 'back then'?

… Back when? When had everything been normal?

Fili bowed his head. He didn't want to think this hard. It made his temples hurt worse than his leg. He bit his lip hard between his teeth, his gaze casting downwards to his leg. Slowly, he slid his hand down from his hip, further down his side, past soft skin warmed by the sun, until the foreign ridge of a different material met just above his knee. He shuddered and wrapped his free arm around his body in an attempt to comfort himself.

Ivory. They had selected ivory... for reasons in which Fili could not fathom.

He choked on a soft sob and covered his mouth with both of his hands. He hated it. He despised it. It wasn't a part of him, it would never be. He wasn't whole anymore. He could never be fixed, and yet healers and doctors alike pretended that he could. It was sick. It was undoubtedly the most vile thing he could possibly imagine – acting as though they could repair him, that they could patch him up and make him as good as new.

“By gods, the day I hit that branch will be made a holy one!” Kili complained loudly. “Please tell me you didn't see that shot.”

Fili curled, his hands gripping into his hair. He wanted so badly to laugh and poke a bit of fun at his darling of a brother, scoop him up into his arms and kiss him hard on the lips. But now, any words he may have been able to form were lost somewhere in his throat.

“Fi?” Came next a soft voice. Fili's chest tightened as he heard him slowly approaching, summer grass crinkling beneath his leather boots. “Honey...?”

“I'm okay.” The words were hoarse and choked, wrenched from a reluctant mouth. “I-I'm okay.”

“Oh,” Kili breathed, lowering himself to his knees. “Oh, darling... does it hurt that bad? You wanna go home?”

Blind with stinging tears, Fili could do nothing but nod. Kili never called him 'darling' unless with good reason – if he was sick or injured or saddened. Normally the name made Fili's knees weak. Now it made him want to crumble into pieces.

Kili hooked his bow over his shoulder before helping Fili to stand. He wound his arms around his brother's body, and Fili grit his teeth together as a wave of nauseating agony swept through his stomach. He leaned heavily on his left leg. Kili tucked his arm around Fili's waist and supported his shoulder with his hand.

“Ki, I-” Fili struggled to keep the tears out of his voice. “I'm so sorry.”

“Hey, hey,” Kili frowned deeply. “None of that. You do not apologize for this, do you understand me? God damn it, Fi, don't you dare apologize.”

“Okay,” Fili whispered, his head falling in his shame.

Kili kissed his hair slowly, then murmured, “Wanna go see mum? I bet she'd love to see you.”

Fili shook his head. “I want bath.”

“Want a servant to help you?” Kili asked lightly as they began the trek home. Fili's steps were unsteady and heavy, but Kili was patient and he kept him balanced.

“No,” Fili mumbled. “You. I just- gods, I need to think.”

“Sure thing, sweetheart.” Kili rubbed his side comfortingly. Fili's right foot bent unnaturally with each step, and the sight of it made him feel sick. He pried his eyes away from the ugly sight, and gripped at Kili's cloak. “W-wait.”

His hip and thigh were throbbing, burning with hard constriction. Kili immediately stopped, his eyes wide in concern. “Fi, honey, let me carry you. I don't like seeing you like this.”

Fili shook his head, a cool trickle of salt dripping from his eyes. He quickly scrubbed the tears away. “I'm fine. Let me do this.”

“I can help you, Fili.” Kili said softly. “Don't you want me to?”

It was too much for Fili to handle. His little brother's voice nearly broke his heart into two, and his own small voice betrayed him, “Can you please?”

Kili's gaze softened. “Of course I can. Here...”

Fili winced only slightly as Kili lifted him gingerly into his arms like a child. His stiff left leg and false right one draped over Kili's arm, and he huddled up close to his chest, shutting his eyes tightly and thanking the gods that Kili had grown bigger than he. Fili gripped onto his damp tunic, a sense of guilty dread pouring into his belly. Kili had been training all afternoon... he was tired, dirty, and famished for a decent meal, yet he was carrying him.

The thought made him cringe and curl up in Kili's arms. How horrible of a big brother was he, to make his exhausted little brother carry him home? He wound his arms around his neck and buried his face into his shoulder. He felt sick.

Kili must have sensed something, because he held him close and kissed his pale brow. “Don't worry, honey, we'll get you all cleaned up. You'll feel better in no time.”

Fili could only rub his eyes.

The palace felt strange cold as Kili carried him through its iron gates. He shivered and clung to his brother, who rubbed his back soothingly. Slaves and servants alike hurried down Erebor's great corridors, arms full of linens or parchments. Fili's cheeks burned with utmost embarrassment when eyes lingered. Kili didn't seem to care. He gestured for one of the many maids to begin to fill the bathtub of their choosing, and the petite lady-dwarf nodded respectfully and followed silently. Kili selected their own bathing chambers, and Fili felt his body go just about numb in relief. The maid began to fill the porcelain tub with water so hot it nearly steamed, and Fili pushed weakly at Kili's broad chest as the door closed behind them. Kili chuckled as he obediently set him down on the tiled flooring.

Fili hissed as he lay pressure upon his right leg, and Kili watched cautiously for any sign of further discomfort as he began to undress him. He began with Fili's tunic first, the new and soft cloth pliant beneath his fingertips. Kili hummed to himself as he set the shirt on the marble counter top, then pushed back his hair before setting to unbuckle his trousers. At this, Fili looked away and bit his lip.

The prosthetic was a work of art; everyone agreed. The ivory had been carved specifically just for Fili, every curve and angle impeccably symmetrical to that of his left leg. The joint at the knee and ankle bent with his movements, but it was often stiff and difficult to keep leverage – not that he ever mentioned it in front of his healers. They were too proud of their handiwork and brilliance for Fili to even dare speak of that. It had taken nearly four whole weeks of measuring and prototypes before this particular one had been created.

 _I hate it,_ Fili had spat to his uncle. _I refuse to use it._

 _Your brother will not always be at your side to help you walk,_ Thorin had responded curtly.

 _Yes I will._ Kili had argued.

Thorin had made Kili leave the room after that. Fili had sat alone in the silence with Thorin, staring daggers into the table, his eyes dark with his disgust. They spoke and argued and shouted for three hours until Fili gave in out of exhaustion and allowed his uncle to win.

Fili was always tired now. Four hours of sleep or fourteen, his body felt constantly heavy and strained, and something always hurt – whether it be his head or chest, his leg or hip, something constantly ailed him.

His self-confidence had diminished to a mere flicker. He had become shy. He lingered in doorways and hesitated in speech, much to Thorin's disappointment.

A disappointment...

Was that all he was now?

Fili's eyes filled with tears.

“You're so beautiful, Fi,” Kili sighed wistfully as he gently eased down his britches and smalls. “Look at you. You're gorgeous.”

Fili didn't know how to respond. If he were to say something among the lines of _'no, I'm not'_ , Kili would roll his eyes and scold him and tell him to learn how to take a compliment. So he whimpered, unsure of what to say. “T-thank you...”

He screwed his eyes shut, hoping that was the right thing. It must have been, or close enough, because he was rewarded a breathy kiss to his hip. Fili's eyes cracked open only when he heard the light padding of footsteps, and he swallowed as the maid left the brothers alone.

Lazy heat dozed through the chamber, warming the chilled air and easing Fili's tense muscles. Kili did not rise, but instead began to nuzzle at his flank, those lush black eyelashes fluttering half-closed.

“Ki, I... I don't feel so good...”

“I know, darling.” Kili murmured, tracing his index finger down the velvety, plaint skin of his flaccid manhood. “Let's fill that big head of yours with some endorphins, hm? Make the pain go away?”

“I-I really do just want a bath- _oh_ -” Fili gasped softly as Kili swiped the flat of his tongue around his shaft, and he dug his fingertips into the mess of Kili's hair.

“Bear with me now, okay?” Kili pleaded gently with Fili, looking up at him as he began to pump full his cock with a slow pace of his hand. His wrist moved rhythmically, the twist and pressure familiar to them both. “I'm gonna make you feel better.”

Fili nodded breathlessly, a sprinkle of a blush staining his cheeks. “T-thank you, Kili.”

“Anything for you, my heart.” Kili murmured, before his pink, swollen lips parted even further and he slid his cock into his mouth. Fili's fingers dug into his hair carefully, wincing slightly. Kili pulled away and grasped his member, his wrist moving up and down rapidly.

“C'mon, darling,” Kili murmured, his free hand resting at his waist. “Come on...”

Fili bit his lip and tipped his head back. Something wasn't right. He shut his eyes tightly and tried to think of something – anything – but his mind was blank. He attempted imaging something, some scenario, but thinking only made his head throb. His fingertips curled deeper into Kili's hair and cringed.

“You're taking forever, what's the holdup?” Kili frowned, looking up at him. “Come on, I'm right here.”

“I know, I'm trying.” Fili muttered. “I'm just... not in the mood, that's all.”

“Who are you and what have you done with my brother?” Kili mumbled curiously. “This is insulting, I'm not gonna lie.”

“U-um... c-can you try... using your mouth again...?” Fili asked softly, shame coloring his words.

Kili nodded, scooting a little closer on his knees. “Of course.”

But even as Kili's familiar and hot mouth engulfed his limp cock, Fili shuddered and found himself utterly unable to reach his goal. He shook his head and watched as Kili's eyes widened in surprise as he pulled away. Fili felt horrid at that moment, watching as Kili's shoulders slumped and a thought flickered through his eyes. Fili knew what that thought must have been. If he could not perform, how was he to keep his Kili sexually satisfied?

“'m gonna take my bath now,” Fili mumbled, wobbling on his feet as he pushed himself from the counter. Moving stiffly and with a grimace, he made his way closer to the tub. He sensed Kili's movements as his brother stood, but he didn't look up as he unbound the false leg from the flesh of his ruined thigh. Kili padded beside him and helped him into the tub, and Fili felt the comforting warmth of a kiss on his brow.

“Don't you worry, beautiful.” Kili murmured into his hair before leaving a kiss there as well. Fili didn't respond, but instead leaned back into the heat of the water and let his throbbing head rest against the wall behind him.

_**x~X~x** _

Everything felt cold.

Fili awoke shivering, despite being enveloped in his thickest wool blanket. Blind in the darkness of the bedchamber, he groped around weakly until he found what he was looking for – the warmth of Kili's body. He huddled up close, winding his arms the best he could around Kili's bigger self, breathing in deeply in relief.

There was a subtle movement beneath him and he cringed. He often forgot how light of a sleeper Kili was. He closed his eyes tightly and hid his face into his chest, ashamed. He felt like a child again.

“Hey, honey, is it morning already?” Came a rich, slurred voice heavy with sleep.

“More like three in the morn,” Fili mumbled, rubbing Kili's chest with his hand slowly. “Go back to sleep.”

“You woke me up,” Kili chuckled sleepily, his arms wrapping gingerly around Fili's shoulders and waist. He nuzzled his cheek against his hair, murmuring softly, “Mm... you feel so warm.”

“That's can't be possible... It's cold as a blizzard in here.”

There was a pause.

“You're trembling, sweetest.”

“Just shivering.” Fili said defensively

. “You feel... very warm. Hot, even. Oh,” Kili whispered. “Darling, you feeling okay...?”

Fili curled but said not a word.

“Fi, talk to me.” Kili sat up a little, gathering his brother closer. Fili squirmed and settled with nosing the crook of his neck, taking what comfort he could from the warmth he felt there.

“C'mere, my baby lamb, let me take your temperature.”

Fili could feel Kili move closer, one of his larger hands sweeping up his back until it met the curve of his neck, where he pushed back those golden locks and rested his palm against the back of his neck. Fili shuddered as a cold chill chased up his spine.

“Looks like you've got yourself a bit of a fever,” Kili murmured, rubbing his neck comfortingly.

Fili wanted to cry. Damn his weakness. Damn his helplessness.

“Wanna go see if a healer's in, love?” Kili asked gently, but Fili shook his head and curled around Kili. He dug his fingertips into the cloth of Kili's shirt and held on tight.

“Come on, angel, let's get you feeling better.”

Fili was shaking. He clutched onto Kili tighter than a lifeline as he whimpered out, “Don't make me go.”

“Why not?” Kili asked, confused.

“Don't wanna,” Fili flinched at the sound of his own voice. He sounded utterly pathetic.

“C'mon, don't be like that.” Kili chuckled and patted his back in a motion for him to move, but Fili didn't budge. “Don't be such a little child, Fi, just let one of the healers look you over.”

“Not a child,” Fili choked out. “It's nothing.”

“You don't know that it's nothing.”

“It's nothing!” Fili whimpered into the fabric of Kili's shirt, his hands clamping down and not letting go. Kili froze at the outburst, but Fili couldn't bring himself to apologize. Not right now. He couldn't. It hurt too much. Everything hurt; so much so that his eyes burned and welled with hot tears, and his bottom lip quivered.

“Please, Ki, don't make me go.” He sobbed out, “Don't wanna, don't make me leave you.”

“You know I'll be there the whole time,” Kili whispered hesitantly. “I won't leave you.”

He began to rub his back, to massage those too-tense muscles, but Fili's mind was too clouded with fever to hear. He wept and cried into Kili's chest as his brother held him close. Kili kissed over the heated skin of his brow and temples, tasting faint salt of perspiration. He soothed him with gentle words and promises, applying tender pressure at Fili's lower spine where he felt the most discomfort. His other hand slid down his right side, and Fili muffled a sob into the now drenched cloth of his sleeping shirt.

“Let's take this off,” Kili murmured into his ear as his gentle fingers caressed at the ivory beneath his thigh. “I know it pains you... I can only guess what it must feel like, the torment it curses you with each step you take. Please, sweetheart, allow your tired body comfort at last.”

Fili was too exhausted to respond. He held onto Kili tighter and prayed that he could read his mind. The gods must have finally taken pity upon him or Kili knew him better than he thought, for he then felt a warm hand against his bare leg, nimble fingers slowly unstrapping the belt of leather that secured the ivory to his leg.

“That's it,” Kili whispered his soft praises as he rubbed the red-raw skin that had been calloused by the shell of the prosthetic, before easing the vile art away. “You're so brave, Fili... I love you so much. You're doing so well, look at you...”

Fili heard the faint yet hard sound as Kili reached to gently place the light ivory on the wooden floor of their bedroom. Fili shuddered in cooling relief, the tight strain and soreness of what was left of his leg slowly melt away. He sighed softly and kissed Kili's collarbone in gratitude.

“Better?” Kili asked, winding his arms back around Fili's smaller frame.

“Better,” Fili breathed in agreement, letting his heavy eyelids slide closed. He rubbed the tears away from his cheeks, wiping away their damp tracks.

“Sleep now, Fi,” Kili's quiet voice rumbled from his chest. “You'll feel better in the morning.”

_**x~X~x** _

Fili wished that he did.

He awoke in a hot sweat, gasping for air as his eyes flipped open. Everything felt hot – so hot, he felt like he was burning from the inside. What had happened to the cold? It felt like he had never felt the chill in all his life. His flesh felt about to boil off, pricking and flashing white-hot pulsing heat. He whimpered and wiped his brow, his hand withdrawing soaked with sweat. He reached for help, for someone, _anyone_ -

“I'm here, Fili.” Came a breathless voice, before he felt one hand on either side of his cheeks. He choked on a miserable sob. “Kili.”

“Oh, Fili, I'm so sorry.” Kili whispered hoarsely as Fili felt his body being lifted into his arms. “I-I should have taken you to a healer sooner, I never should have put you back to bed.”

The words reached Fili's ears, but he could not listen. “Kili, it hurts so bad.” He cried out. “Make it stop.”

“I will.” Kili swore, one hand cradling the back of his head as he walked briskly. Fili roughly rubbed away the tears, his eyes straining in the darkness. Dizzy and unsure of where was up, where was down, where left was and where right was, he held on tight to Kili, shaking arms wrapping around his neck. He tried to move his legs, but only one obeyed his orders. He froze and turned quickly to his feet, and a scream tore through his throat.

“ _Kili_ ,” he screamed out, fingernails clenching into the skin of Kili's neck. “My-my _leg!_ ”

“Fili, you know this,” Kili whispered, turning his head away. His brown eyes were filled with fear. “You know what happened-!”

“ _Wake me up!_ ” Fili thrashed in his arms, but his body was frail and weak, and Kili held onto him. “Wake me up! This isn't real!”

“Fili, please, you mustn’t shout so!” Kili pleaded with him. “I know it hurts, I know you're scared. But you know this is real!”

“It's not real!” Fili sobbed, tears of hysteria running down his cheeks. “It's a bad dream! Let me out, please, brother! _I don't want this!_ ”

His fever was too high for words, Kili realized with a dawning horror. He had to get him to a doctor.

Fili's heartbroken moans echoed off the walls of the long hallways, his poor and exhausted body slumped against Kili's chest. Kili whispered to him, everything that he could, words that soothed him the best as he stroked his hair.

Fili lost consciousness before Kili reached the healing room, his head resting too limply against his chest. Kili glimpsed to his right thigh, which was battered and blemished purple and blue from the tight and abusive prosthetic for too long a time.

Kili's hands were trembling in his fear for his brother as he burst into the room of medicine, shouting frantically for a doctor. Fili's still body was taken from his arms, healers rushing to comfort both of the princes. Two ushered Kili into a chair and promised him that they would take care of Fili, but he pushed them away and hurried to Fili. They had laid Fili down upon a large bed of white linen sheets, and they set to stripping his sweat-drenched clothes from his pale skin. Kili could only watch helplessly as the healers murmured their words to one another. One stood to fetch their bottles of ointments that were unknown to Kili. He felt his mouth run dry.

“What's wrong with him?” Kili tried to demand the question, but his words were a mere whisper. The doctors glanced to him, then back to each other in uncertainty. Kili felt faint.

“He will be fine,” One spoke finally, and Kili let out a deep breath. He cast his gaze to Fili, now being carefully redressed in thinner, more finer fabric. He reached forward with a hesitant hand, running the pad of his thumb down one of the braids of his moustache. Fili didn't move.

“When is he going to wake up?” Kili asked softly. “I have to tell him how sorry I am.”

One of the healers, a dwarrowdam, took his wrist and said lightly, “Come and take a rest, my prince. You are weary; sleep now, and you will feel better when you awaken.”

Kili pried his hand away from her grasp, refusing to look up from his brother. “That's what I told Fili,” He mumbled, stroking his pale cheek. “Look at him now. He's so sick... so hurt, and there's nothing I can do to help.”

“You can take care of yourself, for one thing.” The doctor advised him with a brief frown. “You'll certainly not do him any better by neglecting your own needs.”

“My only need is him getting better.” And that was that. The dwarf shook her head and left the lovers in peace, and Kili gave a weak and watery smile as he kissed Fili's brow.

“I'm sorry, Fi... I-I didn't know you were so sick.” He murmured, moving slowly onto the bed until he could gingerly embrace him. “You didn't tell me... you should have said something, you fool.”

He curled up with Fili, nestling his head beneath his chin and intertwining his legs with Fili's left one. He forced himself not to look down to his right, and he squeezed his eyes shut. “'s gonna be okay, Fi... you'll see.”

_**x~X~x** _

Kili awoke in a different room. He yawned sleepily and stretched his arms, before coiling back down comfortably and nuzzling his cheek against something warm. “Brother...?”

“Fili has not yet left the sickroom, Kili.”

Came a deep voice that made Kili's eyes open in surprise, before he scrambled to sit himself up into an upright position. “U- _uncle_ -”

“Be still now,” Thorin ordered gently, hands resting down upon Kili's shoulders, his dark eyes soft. “I have seen to your brother, and his doctor says he will be just fine.”

Kili pushed himself up from the bed, which he then realized what in fact his and Fili's own. Someone must have carried him back to their room. He hastily kicked way thin and tangled bedsheets. “Did they say what was wrong with him?” He managed to stammer out, feeling his heart begin to pound loudly in his chest.

“A mere bout of a fever, Kili, nothing to worry your kind heart over.”

Kili's eyes briefly widened. “But he felt so hot, he was burning up, uncle, a-and he was _crying_ -!”

“Calm yourself now,” Thorin said sternly, squeezing his shoulders once more in a comforting gesture. “I know what this must look like to you, but I assure you that he is on the mend and will be feeling better very soon.”

Kili let loose a sigh of relief, his body slumping a bit. “Thanks be to Aule... Please, uncle, may I go see him?”

Thorin nodded, releasing his shoulders. “But of course. He is awake, after all.”

Kili gasped, face flushing pale in shock. “ _What?_ I didn't know he was awake!”

Before Thorin had even the chance to explain himself, Kili took off sprinting out of his bedchamber and down the hall, his bare feet hitting hard against the tiled flooring. He slid into the room of the doctors, quite out of breath and panting. “Fili!”

His abrupt and loud entrance turned a few heads, eyes blinking up at him as he raced to Fili's bedside, but he couldn't care less. He slid to his knees, a huge grin on his face as he took in the sight of his groggy and disoriented – yet awake – older brother.

“Brother,” Fili croaked out, rubbing his eyes slowly. “My... that was quick.”

“Oh, Mahal, Thorin was right,” Kili breathed, unable to resist the urge to pull him into a tight embrace. Fili laughed weakly at the sudden affection, heavy arms gingerly returning the hug. Kili withdrew just far enough to cup his cheeks in his hands, worried eyes searching his brother's. “Tell me, beloved, how are you feeling? What hurts? Should I get your nurse? Oh, you still feel so warm, are you sure you're alright?”

The questions stumbled over one another as Kili blurted them out, and Fili, too exhausted for many words, silenced him with a kiss. Kili made a small sound in the back of his throat of surprise, but his body melted against Fili's as their lips moved and massaged against one another's.

“I'm fine, love.” Fili murmured, his voice huskier than normal and his eyes half-lidded with his drowsiness. “Very... very tired, but... good.”

Kili dropped his voice to a low whisper to match Fili's. “Should I go, then, and let you rest? Oh, but are you hungry? I can get you some porridge from the kitchens, it should still be warm, and maybe a plum or a peach?”

Fili laughed softly, nosing into Kili's shoulder and winding his arms around his waist. “Please, don't go. I feel perfect having you just here.”

“And you're certain?”

“I'm positive,” Fili murmured. “I... I want to go to our room. May we, Ki?”

Kili found himself nodding automatically to his brother's wishes. “Yes, of course. Here, put your arm around me – that's it – alright, ready?”

“Ready,” Fili nodded briefly, his arm tucked securely over Kili's shoulder, and he grunted softly as he was pulled to his feet – foot – and he winced only slightly as he recovered his balance. Before he even had time to look down, Kili swept him into his arms and he kept his mouth shut as he found himself once again being carried though the great corridors. Kili stepped rapidly and lightly, with fluid haste. Fili closed his eyes and allowed the subtle rhythmic movement of his brother's body lull any remaining tension from his body.

When they arrived at their bedchambers, Kili swung the heavy door closed with his foot and Fili adjusted himself. “Let me down now, please, I want to walk.”

Kili obeyed, but his heart ached when he saw the wince on Fili's face as he laid his right foot on the ground, using his hand to lean against the desk. “Half a moment, Fee, I'll get it-”

Kili started for his prosthetic that remained abandoned on the far side of the bed, but Fili quickly stopped him. “I don't want it.” He shook his head in declination. “I don't need it.”

“Very well...” Kili acquiesced, lowering himself to their bed as he watched for any sign of distress form his brother. But Fili, concentrated on his work at hand, showed no further sign of needing assistance. When he approached the bed, he turned slowly on his heel and sat down, flashing Kili a triumphant grin. “See?”

A painful dagger wound its way through Kili's heart at Fili's joy at such a minor accomplishment, and he grabbed for Fili, winding his arms around his waist and cradling his head against his shoulder. Fili made a sound of surprise but did not protest. Instead, he sought the warmth of Kili's skin by pressing his brow against the crook of his neck. When he spoke, his words were low and apologetic.

“My Kili... I'm so sorry for last night... I don't know what came over me. I-I felt so scared, and I didn't know _why_ -”

But Kili shushed him, shaking his head as he began to scratch gently at Fili's scalp. He made a small sound of pleasure and his eyes slid closed, and Kili said softly, “Don't apologize, Fi. None of this was your fault. I'm to blame here, I-”

“- stop it-”

“No, listen to me. It was so terribly foolish of me to put you back to bed when you were sick. I should have taken you to the healers first.”

“But I didn't want-” Fili tried weakly, but Kili cut him off firmly. “I know you didn't want to. I know. But- you were _crying_ , Fi, you didn't want to leave me, a-and I... I-I...” He took in a shuddering breath, and he slowly bowed his head.

“Kili...?” Fili asked softly.

“When you cry, it makes me wanna cry, too.” Kili whispered, gripping at the bedsheets tightly. “I- couldn't stand seeing you so- so sad. I should be stronger than that. I should be able to put that aside and focus on what's best for you and not let my damned emotions get in the way.”

Fili was quiet, but Kili couldn't stop himself. “I need to be taking care of you. Fuck, you can't even train anymore. You can barely walk, and you don't even eat until you're staving. I've seen you, damn it. You might be able to hide things from Thorin, but you can't from me. I don't even know why you keep trying.”

“B-brother...” Fili whispered.

“I know it hurts.” Kili's voice was strained. “I... it must hurt so bad. I can't even begin to imagine the mere mental damage done, let alone the physical.”

Fili's hands curled into his shirt.

“Fee, I just... damn it. Why did it have to be you? You're... y-you're so sweet. So kind, so pure. It... it should have been me.”

He felt Fili stiffen, but he didn't move. Kili felt a weight of a hundred pounds lifting from his shoulders at the grim confession, and he tightened his embrace.

“It should have fuckin' been me.”

The room went silent, and Kili's eyes were burning. He couldn't cry. He couldn't, not again. He was showing too much weakness. Fili needed him now more than ever.

“Don't say that.”

Kili's head lifted and his eyes widened at the sound of Fili's hesitant voice. His brother's hand was cold and small as he lifted it to Kili's stubbled cheek. “I don't...” His voice became strained and wavered. “I don't want you to say that.”

“But, nadad, it's _true_ -” Kili begged to protest.

“You're alive.” Fili intoned softly. “It matters not what you have to say for that, Kili, but you must listen to me. When I first stepped foot onto that cursed battleground, I knew that I would never again find peace if I was sent to a difference world as you. This land or the next, I was going along side with you.”

“And look where that's brought you!” Kili exclaimed, the strain of anger hinting at his words. “You don't eat! You rarely ever find the peace to sleep! What sort of life is that, Fili? Tell me!”

“A life with you!” Fili clutched his brother's tunic tightly, eyes blue as ice desperately searching his. “Which is more than I deserve. What would you have me do?” His voice broke ever so slightly. “Would you have me die, to ease my suffering?”

“No!” Kili gasped out. “N-never, Fili!”

“Then what do you want from me?” Fili pleaded, tugging on Kili's shirt just enough to startle him. “Please. I need to know.”

“I just...” Kili's eyes broke away, his teeth closing over his bottom lip as it quivered. “I-I just want to go back.”

This took Fili by silence. He stared, slowly releasing his grip of his crumpled shirt.

“Back...” He began slowly. “Back to where?”

“Back to the mountains that are truly our home,” Kili finished quietly. “I want to go back to when you chased my nightmares away. Back wandering the woods that only we knew. Back to the old oak that grew beside Father's grave. This here...” He looked up briefly, hints of disdain flickering behind his eyes as he looked about the room. “This isn't home. We have no memories here. The closets are free from our make-believe demons. The walls are bare of old drawings. There is no hidden world outside of these walls to call our own – only a vast and frozen lake that promises naught but icy winds and chills.”

“We'll make it our home,” Fili grasped his shoulders gently, the tip of his left thumb gracing across his jaw comfortingly. “It will take time, granted, and there will be growing pains. But I will be here to ease those aches.”

Kili's gaze fell upon Fili's uncertainly. “How will you soothe my aches when you cannot cure your own?”

“I cannot, by myself,” Fili admitted. “I have tried. My mind becomes a dark void. But I will help you, as you may help me.” He hesitated. “Will... will you help me, Kili? I-I fear I can no longer cope on my own.”

“Of course.” Kili instantly answered. His hand found Fili's, their fingers intertwining tightly. “I promise you, if it's the last thing I'll ever do. I will help you through this.”

Fili leaned up to kiss him, but it was clumsy and Kili was unable to stifle the tiny giggle that tickled his throat. He cupped both of Fili's cheeks and kissed him firmly; no movement, just solid and reassuring pressure. Kili brushed his nose against Fili's, an intimate yet soft gesture, and he let his eyes slide shut. He felt the coolness of Fili's hands around his wrist, a silent request to keep them still. When he leaned to seal his lips over his little brother's once more, he nudged closer just briefly, letting his muscles go slack and his mouth to be cautiously searched. In his slow-motion mind, he realized that Kili was pushing against him. When he surged forward in retaliation, he pushed too far, and abruptly- he was falling- falling right on top of Kili, whose head collided straight with the hard tile flooring beneath.

“ _Mahal_ ,” Fili gasped, looking down at him. “A-are you okay?”

“ _Oh_ ,” Kili moaned, his hands gripping at the back of his skull. “My _head_...”

“Good thing it's thicker than iron, eh?” Fili huffed.

“Aye,” Kili cracked an eyelid open, a weak grin playing on his lips. “I didn't know you were feeling so feisty.”

“Dimwit.” Fili smiled adoringly, brushing Kili's hair from his forehead. “How's it feeling? I'm fairly certain I heard a faint hallow ringing sound when your head hit the ground.”

“Oh, _that's it_ -”

Growling playfully, Kili grasped Fili by the sides and twisted him downwards, and he was quick to slide upon him, successfully pinning him down with his knees on either side of him. Fili struggled for only a heartbeat beneath Kili's strong grip, and he exclaimed, “Mahal damn you for your unfair height!”

“It's not about height, sweet one.” Kili smirked. “I'm just stronger than you now!”

Fili froze and his body suddenly went still beneath Kili's.

Kili's eyes slowly went round in horrid realization at his words. “Oh,” He began weakly, “Fili, no, I didn't mean it like that.”

But Fili shook his head, a small smile gracing his lips. “It's fine, Kili, you were only speaking in truth. You are stronger than me. There is no shame.”

“I'm sorry,” Kili let out brokenly, the rosy color of his earlier delight fading from his cheeks. “I'm sorry.”

“Shush,” Fili ordered gently, one hand raising to the back of Kili's head. “Hush now. Don't cry. I'm alright.”

Kili nodded, blinking hard to keep the threatening tears at bay. Not again, he couldn't plague his brother with his tears yet again. He had to be strong. Fili's hand massaged his head slowly, his skillful fingers seeking the sore spot just above its base. Kili's eyes fell closed as he tenderly rubbed the area, a soft moan tumbling from his lips as his body went slowly lax.

“Silly little Kee,” Fili sighed wistfully. “Always getting hurt.”

“That's why I have you.” Kili responded breathlessly. “ _Aule_ , please do not stop. It eases my headache.”

“Anything for you, my heart.” Fili murmured, allowing entry for Kili's body as he leaned forward, closer and closer, until his forehead lay pressed against Fili's.

Fili's hand did not falter its motions. Kili's breathing slowly became deeper, more relaxed, his long locks of hair intermingling with the strands of Fili's; gold and ebony twined like a spiraling waterfall.

When Kili decided that his exhaustion had grown too far, he gingerly moved himself to beside Fili, resting on his side. With only minor difficulty, Fili manage to turn himself as well. Their eyes locked.

“I love you.” Kili spoke without thinking, taking Fili's hand.

“And I you.” Fili returned in earnest.

Kili began to plant light kisses along Fili's knuckles, his eyes half-lidded as his soft pink lips laid more kisses down the length of each finger to their nail. When he looked up, dark lashes fluttering open just a hint, and he murmured slowly, “I need an ale.”

Fili giggled, high and loose, so unlike his new-found shy and uncertain nature, that Kili couldn't help but laugh along.

“And what ale might please my brother?” Fili chuckled. “A Whiteheart? Or how about Peachwine, shipped straight from our new allies of Mirkwood?”

“No, something harder,” Kili insisted. “A Gingersting, or a Blackseed.”

“You know the last time you drank a tankard of Blackseed you were ill for hours after.” Fili recalled in a lazy jest.

Kili smiled. “I don't hold grudges.”

Ten minutes found the pair of brothers splayed on the ground, a thick blanket shielding their skin from the cold floor. Fili cradled a a lager of Gingersting – commonly known for its surprisingly rich taste and pleasant aftertaste – as Kili took small sips of his watered-down Blackseed – a beer notorious for its bitter taste and strong lingering side effects.

“I wish it could be like this every day,” Kili whispered as if it were a deep secret. 

“As it shall be.” Fili promised, but heaved a heavy sigh. “There's just so much to do, you understand. Uncle is terribly stressed. Negotiations have been far from easy, and I know I have not been as much assistance as I could be.”

A slight frown graced Kili's features. “Uncle is always tense. Granted, everybody in the kingdom could be of more assistance. But isn't it nice just the way it is? Just as you said - we have our home now. We fought for it. It's ours now.” He smiled. “We're allowed to take it easy.”

Kili placed his mug on the ground and laid his head down at his folded arm, watching fondly as Fili raised his own glass once more. When he set it down, he leaned to lay down as well, tucking his head against the inward curve at his brother's chest, winding his arms around Kili's waist.

“You smell so good.” Fili hummed a moment later, allowing one hand to gently trace the sliver of of Kili's exposed hip. “You smell like home.”

“Oh?” Kili murmured, his free hand settling at the small of Fili's back.

“Of rosemary. Parchment... a sunny day.” He shuffled closer. “I can almost smell the sweet perfume mother often times wore.”

“Mm...”

“Kee?”

“Hm?” Fili sat up, the barest hint of confusion upon his face. “Are you truly so sleepy?”

“No.” Kili's eyes opened and he smiled. “Just savoring this time the best I can.”

He pushed himself up a bit with his arms. “I have an idea.”

“Those are usually quite dangerous.” Fili said fondly.

Kili bumped his nose against Fili's in turn. “If we were to install some sort of comfort to the ivory leg of yours-”

Fili turned away, wincing at the memory, but Kili continued on, “-light padding or further secures, would it be more suitable to use?”

“Kili,” Fili began hoarsely. “I-I don't want to think about that right now.”

“I know.” Kili reluctantly admitted. “I know that there's nothing else in the world you'd rather be thinking of. But truly, Fee, I think that if we were to make the prosthetic less straining on your body, you wouldn't be so hesitant to using it.”

Fili swallowed hard, looking to the side. “I-I suppose it... it would be much more preferable...”

“As much as I despise to say it, Uncle was correct when he said I would unable to always be at your side,” Kili sighed. “When you are king, it will be your duty to travel to other lands, oftentimes faraway. What sort of king of Erebor would you be if you had to rely upon your little brother just to walk?”

“I'm sorry I'm of such high maintenance.” Fili said softly, his voice strained with pain. “I am.”

Kili's expression softened and he smiled faintly. He drew Fili for an embrace, resting one hand at his back and and the other carding through his hair.

“Hush now,” Kili murmured. “No more tears. Just sleep now. All will be as it should be soon.”


End file.
